feeling lonely, slightly repulsive and pouty about our fellow people who are oppressed, gunned down and enslaved. i feel quite useless and strange lately. i feel like i have good intentions, but also like some sort of pretentious,drawing room revolutionary prophesying about change, but not inciting it. i hope to find contentment in myself soon. i hope to find ways to be useful and and to quell my feeling of not belonging.
im tired of feeling dependent on reassurance from others. i wish i were more headstrong about implementing my ideas and learning more about them. im just so unorganized. my notes are everywhere. i was depressed and high for like a year so i just feel scattered and unable to really center myself. and i dont know how to rebuild myself or remind myself of who i am, and no one here knows how diligent and passionate i tend to be when im not like constantly in emotional/mental peril.
im so frustrated with myself. and everyone who seems repulsed by me. i just hope i have a productive year.